Saturday, January 1, 2000

English Second Language

Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Czechoslovak tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.
Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaids.
Swiss restaurant menu:
Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for.
Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Car rental firm brochure in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Swedish Furrier:
Furs made for ladies from their own skins.

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