English Second Language

Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Czechoslovak tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Swiss mountain inn:

Special today - no ice cream.

Bangkok dry cleaner's:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.

Yugoslav hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaids.

Swiss restaurant menu:

Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for.

Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Car rental firm brochure in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

Swedish Furrier:

Furs made for ladies from their own skins.